A young woman walked along the park by riverside, clutching a brown cardboard box in both hands. Her steps were heavy but steady, as she found a spot beneath a tree on the grass. She set the box down, the contents rattling slightly: a collection of stationery and personal items hastily cleared from her office desk. With a sigh, she pulled out a pale blue bottle of soju that she had picked up from a store on her way to the riverside.

“That bastard manager! He’s the one who harassed me, but why the hell am I the one who got fired?!”

Her voice trembled with frustration as she twisted the cap off the bottle, bringing it to her lips. Four quick gulps, and she felt the burn slide down her throat. It wasn’t enough to quell the storm inside her, though. Her anger boiled over again.

“Is everyone at the office really that stupid? Just a bunch of shameless perverts!”

She spat the words out with rage, then took another swig from the bottle, drinking the soju straight. The warmth spread through her chest, dulling the sharp edges of her rage, but only slightly.

“Stupid, perverted manager…”

**splash**

“…”

The woman froze mid-thought. The loud splash, unexpected and out of place, drew her attention. She slowly turned her head, trying to pinpoint its origin. The splash had come from beneath the bridge, around 200 meters from where she sat. For a moment, she just sat there, staring at the rippling water, her mind struggling to process what had just happened. Meanwhile, the people in the park began to gather around the source of the sound.

After five long minutes of silence, she screwed the cap back onto the bottle.

“To be honest… this is fine, actually” she muttered to herself.

“Well, at least I’m still alive, right?”

She stood up, brushing the dirt and grass from her pants. Picking up the cardboard box once more, she began her walk back home, leaving behind the big crowd that had gathered by the river’s edge.

TITLE      : Taman Melati sebagai monumen hidup
SUBMISSION : "Between the Difference"
FORMAT     : Collective exhibition and zine (limited copies)
ORGANIZER  : (ig) @huntingfullsenyum
PLACE      : Kelas Pagi Yogkakarta
EXHIBITED  : 13-14 January 2024

. . .

Taman Melati sebagai Monumen Hidup

Berlokasi di sebelah utara Fakultas Teknik UGM, bersebelahan persis dengan daerah Pogung, Taman Melati muncul sebagai kompleks apartemen yang dekat secara fisik sekaligus meresap dalam perjalanan hidup saya. Taman Melati adalah saksi bisu kehidupan saya sebagai mahasiswa Fakultas Teknik UGM yang tinggal di Pogung Dalangan, dan saya sebagai alumnus yang kembali ke Jogja.

Saya sempat memotret Taman Melati yang masih dalam tahap konstruksi pada tahun 2017. Proyek pembangunan Taman Melati berjalan ketika saya masih berstatus mahasiswa, dan selesai seiring dengan kelulusan saya. Setelah itu, saya pulang kampung.

Hanya berselang dua tahun sejak wisuda, saya kembali ke Jogja untuk bekerja di kota ini. Taman Melati sudah berubah; kompleks apartemen ini tidak lagi hanya berupa ruang-ruang kosong. Taman Melati sudah menjadi rumah bagi para penghuninya.

Taman Melati seolah menjadi arsip hidup saya. Foto yang saya ambil saat masa konstruksinya pada tahun 2017 menghadirkan kilas balik ke masa-masa kuliah. Saya bisa merasakan kembali melankoli yang terpatri pada foto tersebut. Pada 2023, dengan kamera di tangan, saya kembali merayakan Taman Melati dan juga pencapaian hidup saya. Foto lama yang bersebelahan dengan foto baru dapat menggambarkan perjalanan yang telah dijelajahi oleh waktu dan kehidupan.

Perbedaan yang di antara foto-foto tersebut mencerminkan bukan hanya evolusi fisik Taman Melati, tetapi juga evolusi dalam diri saya. Taman Melati adalah monumen hidup yang mengingatkan pada perjalanan dalam hidup saya.

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Between the Difference

“It fascinates me that every time we hang out, you always seem so happy.”

“I am happy. What’s wrong with that? Aren’t you happy?”

“It’s enjoyable.”

“So, you’re not happy?”

“Uhmm… Not really.”

“You never feel happy every time we go on a date?”

”…”

“Ouch. That hurts.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“I know. It’s just, I thought you would feel the same as I do. You know, happy.”

“I enjoy our dates.”

“But you’re not happy.”

“Does it really matter? What’s important to me is that you’re having fun, that you smile. I like seeing you smile. I like seeing you happy.”

“But you’re not happy.”

“As I said before, I do enjoy our time together. But for me, it’s not about my happiness.”

“You’re selfish, you know that, right?”

“What are you getting at? You said that you’re happy. Is that not enough?”

“But I want you to feel happy like I am. Why don’t you let me know that you’re not happy? Why do you always think about me? Why don’t you, for once, think about yourself?”

“Listen to me. I care about you. I want to make you happy. I don’t really care whether I feel happy or not. It’s always about you.”

“That’s so selfish of you! What’s the point of me feeling happy if you are not?”

“As I said, I enjoyed it.”

“That’s not helping at all.”

“Sorry…”

Mark busied himself with setting up the tent, his hands moving with practiced ease. He hammered the stakes into the ground, securing the canvas to withstand any overnight winds. John, meanwhile, was unloading the car, carefully placing their supplies on the table.

“Hey, Mark” John called out, breaking the silence. “I must say, last week when you asked me to go camping, I thought you were joking.”

Mark looked up from his task, a grin spreading across his face. “Why would I joke about something like this? You know how much I love the outdoors.”

John chuckled, shaking his head. “Yeah, but it’s been a long time since our last camping trip, you know.”

The lake shimmered under the fading light, its surface reflecting the vibrant colors of the sunset. Birds chirped their evening songs, and a gentle breeze rustled through the trees.

“Mark, come here!”
“There’s like, a fresh tire track going straight into the water over there.”

Mark didn’t look up. “Yeah, probably some dudes messing around.”

John wasn’t convinced. “The lake looks pretty deep right there. Are you sure this is safe?”

Mark reached the spot John had pointed out. He crouched down, examining the ground. “You’re right, John” he said finally, his voice low “those are fresh tracks. Makes you wonder what happened here, doesn’t it? I can tell there was an accident here earlier!”

John responds “Accident? How do you know that?”

The question hung in the air, heavy and unwelcome. Before John could get another word out, Mark made a swift, silent move. A metal baseball bat hidden behind his back, hit the back of John’s head with a sickening thud. The world spun, the lake turning into a swirling vortex, his vision blurs before fading to black.

Mark knelt beside him, the bat held loosely in his hand. His face showed a mix of rage and desperation as he leaned close to John’s ear. “Because, John” he said, a twisted smile playing on his lips “I’m the one who caused it.”

The smile faltered for a moment. “You should never have told my wife about Maya” he rasped, his voice tight with barely contained rage. “I should never have told you about her in the first place. You were my best friend! I trusted you!”

The weight of Mark’s words settled on him, heavy and suffocating. It was Maya, the woman Mark had confessed to him: another affair. The woman Mark had sworn him to secrecy about just before their wedding. John, filled with guilt and remorse, had broken that promise, blurting out the truth to Mark’s wife in a misguided attempt to ease his own conscience. Never did he imagine the devastation his confession would unleash, a consequence far worse than anything he could have ever imagined.

“Don’t worry, John” Mark continued. “It’ll all look like a tragic accident.” He cast a cold glance at John’s unconscious body. Mark, fueled by a week of meticulous planning and a heart consumed by vengeance, knelt beside John. The carefully placed tire tracks, the staged accident scene, all part of the chilling performance.

With a little bit of effort, Mark dragged John’s unconscious body towards their parked car and sat him into the driver seat. A monstrous grin stretching across his face. With a final, lingering look at his former friend, Mark pushed the car towards the lake. The metal crunched as the vehicle plunged into the inky water, disappearing beneath the silent surface.

PS: I really want to disclose my (former) best friend’s affair to his fiancée (I heard they’re getting married), but I’m afraid bro might take me to a nearby body of water and kill me.

Sudah empat kali lelaki itu datang ke kedai ini. Kedai kopi ini tidaklah spesial, hanya kedai kopi kecil pinggiran kota yang tidak banyak orang tahu keberadaannya. Karena tidak banyak yang tahu keberadaan kedai ini, aku jadi sering mengamati pengunjung yang datang, termasuk lelaki itu. Seperti kedatangan-kedatangan sebelumnya, lelaki itu hanya membawa totebag putih yang berisi topi berwarna coklat, dompet kulit yang sudah buluk, sebuah buku novel populer, dan hapenya.

“Cappuccino ice satu”, ucap lelaki itu singkat.

Kebiasaan lelaki itu setelah memesan segelas cappuccino ice adalah: ia akan duduk di meja bar sambil bengong memandang layar hapenya yang ia letakkan di atas meja. Aku bisa melihat sekilas layar hapenya. Di sana tertulis pesan singkat dari seseorang, sepertinya dari adik perempuannya.

“Mas, besok Ibu akan mampir ke kota.” Pesan itu dikirim kemarin.

Ketika minumannya kusajikan, lelaki itu baru akan membalas pesan itu.

“Maaf, aku tidak sedang di kota.”

Sambil menghela napas panjang, lelaki itu kemudian menyeruput cappuccino ice-nya secara perlahan. Seolah-olah kopi dingin itu bisa membekukan momen yang ingin dia hindari.

Dikutip dari halaman 98 sebuah buku kumpulan cerpen berjudul “Jangan Mudah Percaya pada Bayangan di Cermin Rumahmu”

Ten months ago was the last time we met. I picked you up at the station, and we went to my friend’s wedding. I had asked you beforehand to accompany me to the event. Honestly, I didn’t really care about the wedding; I just needed a solid reason to see you again after such a long, long time. You were beautiful that day, almost unchanged from ten years ago. The wedding was a blur, but your presence was all that mattered.

You know I rarely come back home, so this was probably my only chance to meet you, and I didn’t want to waste it. So I offered to grab some coffee despite the heat that afternoon. The café was cozy, with sunlight streaming through the windows. With a double shot iced latte in your hand and a kiwi juice in mine, we started catching up on each other’s lives. I wasn’t really paying attention to our conversation; all I could focus on was your beautiful eyes. When the afternoon light touched your brown eyes, I saw sparks, like a starry night. I could easily get lost in those mesmerizing eyes, feeling like I was being drawn into a deep pool of warmth with every glance. It’s funny, every time you caught me staring, you were the one who blushed.

Reflecting on that day, I realize there are many things we need to work on, like getting to know each other once more. All these years, our images of each other have remained frozen in time, and we need to update them, don’t you think? Even though the image of you in my mind is from five to ten years ago, I know life has happened to you, shaping you into the strong-willed, compassionate person you are now.

I admire how you see beauty in everyone. You are kind, compassionate, and committed to being a good person. Your laughter is contagious; you brighten any room, even on your bad days. You love deeply and make sure the other person knows it. You surround people with your warmth and affection, and they cannot help but adore you.

I always tell other people that I’m not ready for certain things. But for you? If you wanted it right here, right now, I would be ready. You are probably the only person I feel certain about. No ifs, buts, or maybes. Just a straight yes.

Sometimes in my sleepless nights, I talk to God about you, telling Him that I’ve always struggled to make sense of it all. But loving you, even if only for a fleeting chapter of our lives, has made my impermanence on earth feel worthwhile. So, if I ever reach the point where I will cease to exist, I will close my eyes knowing that I lived well, that I had lived within your grace.

I hope your playlist shuffles just the right way, playing your favorite songs. I hope your dinners always taste delicious, no matter what you eat, bringing you warm and comfort. I hope your double shot iced vanilla latte is always the perfect balance of bitterness and sweetness to keep you awake during those long shifts at the hospital. I hope you find meaning, purpose, and joy so that you never again doubt your place in this world. I hope you find the courage to always embrace life and see what it has in store for you. And I hope you are endlessly loved, adored, and celebrated, for both your accomplishments and the things you may not be proud of. I hope life treats you kindly, like those beautiful eyes of yours.

P.S. hbd, stubborn taurus!

but i ate them all

happy birthday to you

y

feliz cumpleaños para mí

p.s. i still hate you but this tiramisu tastes good.

Valentine’s day is when the thought
of killing myself popped up
while riding back home

Valentine’s day is when I imagine
I have a small lovely family
beautiful loving wife and two kids

Valentine’s day is when I decided
to write a note to my wife and kids
saying I am sorry for leaving

Valentine’s day is when I buy a car
just to park it somewhere quiet
in the middle of the night
so I can sleep in it
after burning a small pot of charcoals

Valentine’s day is when yearning and longing
for people in my life to call
but the silent is so loud
it make me want to rip my ears off

Valentine’s day is the day when I will leave

Happy valentine’s day, doc!