32. INT. BEDROOM - BILL & ALICE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

33. INT. BEDROOM - BILL & ALICE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

ALICE

Hmm... tell me something... those two girls at the party last night. Did you, by any chance, happen to fuck them?

BILL
(coughs and splutters)

What!? What are you talking about!?

ALICE

I’m talking about the two girls that you were so blatantly hitting on.

BILL

I wasn’t hitting on anybody.

ALICE

Hmm... Who were they?

BILL

They were just a couple of models.

ALICE sits up next to BILL.

ALICE

And where did you disappear to with them for so long?

BILL starts to kiss and touch ALICE.

BILL

Ohhhh! Wait a minute, wait a minute! I didn’t disappear with anybody. Ziegler wasn’t feeling too well. I got called upstairs to see him. Anyway, who’s the guy you were dancing with?

ALICE
(laughs)

A friend of the Zieglers’.

BILL

What did he want?

ALICE
(as Bill kisses her ear)

What did he want? Oh... what did he want? Sex – upstairs, then and there.

BILL

Is that all?

ALICE

Yeah... yeah. That was all.

BILL
(kissing Alice)

Just wanted to fuck my wife.

ALICE
(giggles)

Yeah, that’s right.

BILL

I guess that’s understandable.

ALICE
(suddenly serious)

Understandable?

BILL

Because you are a very, very beautiful woman.

ALICE

Woah! Woah! Woah! Wait!

ALICE puts the spliff into the ashtray on the bed, disengages herself from BILL’s arms, and gets up. She backs up towards the bathroom leaving BILL sitting on the bed.

ALICE

So... because I’m a beautiful woman the only reason any man wants to talk to me is because he wants to fuck me! Is that what you’re saying?

BILL

Well, I don’t think it’s quite that black and white, but I think we both know what men are like.

ALICE now leans against the door frame.

ALICE

So, on that basis I should conclude that you wanted to fuck those two models?

BILL

There are exceptions.

ALICE

What makes you an exception?

BILL

What makes me an exception is that... I happen to be in love with you and because we’re married and because I would never lie to you or hurt you.

ALICE starts walking to the other end of the room.

ALICE

Do you realize that what you’re saying is that the only reason you wouldn’t fuck those two models is out of consideration for me, not because you really wouldn’t want to?

BILL

Let’s just relax, Alice. This pot is making you aggressive.

ALICE

No, it’s not the pot, it’s you! Why can’t you ever give me a straight fucking answer!

BILL

I was under the impression that’s what I was doing. I don’t even know what we’re arguing about here.

ALICE
(sits on a stool)

I’m not arguing. I’m just trying to find out where you’re coming from.

BILL

Where I’m coming from?

ALICE gets up and stands at the end of the bed.

ALICE

Let’s say, let’s say for example, you have some gorgeous woman standing in your office naked and you’re feeling her fucking tits. Now, what I wanna know... I wanna know what are you really thinking about when you’re squeezing them?

BILL

Alice, I happen to be a doctor. It’s all very impersonal and you know there is always a nurse present.

ALICE

So, when you are feeling tits it’s nothing more than your professionalism, is that what you’re saying?

BILL

Exactly... sex is the last thing on my mind when I’m with a patient.

ALICE

Now, when she is having her little titties squeezed, do you think she ever has any little fantasies about what handsome Doctor Bill’s dickie might be like?

BILL

Come on, I can assure you that sex is the last thing on this fucking hypothetical woman patient’s mind.

ALICE

And what makes you so sure?

BILL

If for no better reason... because she’s afraid of what I might find.

ALICE

OK! OK! So, so, so after you tell her that everything’s fine, what then?

BILL

What then? Ah, I don’t know that, Alice. What then? Look, women don’t... they basically don’t think like that.

ALICE gets up and provocatively points a finger at BILL as she starts to pace up and down at the foot of the bed.

ALICE

Millions of years of evolution, right? Right? Men have to stick it in every place they can, but for women... women it is just about security and commitment and whatever the fuck... else!

BILL

A little oversimplified, Alice, but yes, something like that.

ALICE

If you men only knew....

BILL

I’ll tell you what I do know is that you got a little stoned tonight. You’ve been trying to pick a fight with me and now you’re trying to make me jealous.

ALICE

But you’re not the jealous type, are you?

BILL

No, I’m not.

ALICE

You’ve never been jealous about me, have you?

BILL

No, I haven’t.

ALICE

And why haven’t you ever been jealous about me?

BILL

Well, I don’t know, Alice. Maybe because you’re my wife, maybe because you’re the mother of my child and I know you would never be unfaithful to me.

ALICE

You are very, very sure of yourself, aren’t you?

BILL

No, I’m sure of you.

ALICE bursts out laughing.

BILL

Do you think that’s funny?

ALICE collapses onto the floor, her laughing fit uncontrollable now.

BILL

Fucking laughing fit, right?

ALICE calms down a little.

ALICE

Do you... do you remember last summer at Cape Cod?

BILL

Yes.

ALICE

Do you remember one night in the dining room? There was this young naval officer and he was sitting near our table with two other officers?

ALICE sits back against the radiator and focuses on her story.

BILL

No.

ALICE

The waiter brought him a message at which point he left. Nothing rings a bell?

BILL

No.

ALICE

Well, I first saw him that morning in the lobby. He was... he was checking into the hotel and he was following the bell-boy with his luggage, to the elevator. He... he glanced at me as he walked past, just a glance. Nothing more. But I could hardly move. That afternoon Helena went to the movies with her friend and you and I made love, and we made plans about our future and we talked about Helena and yet at no time was he ever out of my mind. And I thought if he wanted me, even if it was for only one night, I was ready to give up everything. You, Helena, my whole fucking future. Everything. And yet it was weird because at the same time you were dearer to me than ever and... and at that moment my love for you was both tender and sad. I... I barely slept that night and I woke up the next morning in a panic. I didn’t know whether I was afraid he had left or that he might still be there, but by dinner I realized he was gone and I was relieved.

BILL is stunned by what ALICE is telling him and it is some time before he can respond to the repeated ringing of the telephone. He finally picks it up.

BILL

Hello? Yes, this is Dr Harford. When did it happen? No, no, erh... I have the address. Thank you.

(to Alice)

Lou Nathanson just died. I’m gonna have to go over there and show my face.

Excerpted from the screenplay Eyes Wide Shut (1999) by Stanley Kubrick